"Can we get a dog?"

This is what Charlotte wanted to know today.  She loves dogs and until today has always thought our neighbors dogs were hers, too.  Which was great in our opinion, she gets to play with a dog sometimes and we don't have to take care of one.  We have no intention of getting pets anytime soon, if ever.  So when Charli asked today why we didn't have a dog, I valiantly tried "we do, we have two, Barney and Wilber" (our upstairs neighbor Tamar's dogs).  She retorted with "well, we need three or four dogs and one needs to live here with us".  So, I backpedal into simple explanations.  "We can't have a dog Charlotte.  Dogs are like babies; they need lots of love, and attention, and to be fed, and walked, and played with, and bathed, and cleaned up after.  We already have TWO creatures in this house that need all of that and we don't need more right now."  "So..." says the toddler thinking, "If we don't have Brooke, can we have a dog?"

Illness Falls

Charli has been sick with a fever for the past few days.  It is so sad to see your child in pain, and it is certainly a challenge to entertain a child who can't go to school, leave the house, or be around other kids but who wants to play.  We spent today doing a craft project, painting, cooking, and folding laundry together.  Then I happened to see the inside of her mouth!  There was white/grey fuzzy stuff on both sides of her throat.  Probably not good.  So, being the mother of the year that I am, I opened my computer and tried to find pictures of tonsillitis to see if it looked like the moldy bread in Charlotte's throat.  Sure enough, I found a picture that looked just like her gullet.  Now, I guessed it was time to call the doctor.  She seems to be feeling just fine now and hasn't had a fever since last night.  However, she still looks like a nightmare in her mouth.  We will know more tomorrow after seeing the doc.  So far Brooke has escaped the illness.  Charli loves her little sister so much.  She just wants to hug her, and kiss her, and generally slobber germs all over her.  Charlotte has been so good and has been playing lots of peek-a-boo with Brooke since she can do that at a distance.  She loves to make her baby sister laugh and channels the slapstick of the Three Stooges to make that baby smile.  She will jump around, prat fall, pull faces, and generally make a fool of herself for the amusement of her baby sister.  Brooke is happy to watch the action and will laugh hysterically enough of the time to make the effort worthwhile for Charlotte.  I try to capture the moments of laughter on film so that the girls can see themselves as they were and so I can listen to the most amazing sound in the world over, and over, forever.

Going Back to Work

A mixed blessing for sure. When I am home with my children all week, I sometimes yearn for a moment to myself without screaming, crying, negotiations about every little task.  At work, I am my own person, on my own time, and my own schedule, talking with adults (occasionally) and being an adult (mostly).  Yet, I miss my babies.  Their laughs, smiles, hugs, and kisses play in my head luring me home.  Moments of quietly snuggling, reading books, dancing, and singing together are the stuff that dreams are made of.  Those times are enough to make you forget the back breaking, hair pulling, insanity of actually raising them.

The Reasons Why

I have decided to set up this blog to help me cement the emotions, thoughts, musings, and feelings that go along with raising children. Looking at my 3 year old, I wonder how I missed the moment when she became her own fully fledged little person. Seeing my 4 month old grow, I am trying to photograph each moment in my mind's eye. Trying to hold on tightly to the pure joy of watching her smile and laugh for the first time, the sweet smell of a newborn's head, and the warm weight of a tiny body sleeping on yours. Sadly, I already know I am failing. I am already forgetting what she looked like in her first weeks of life, forgetting the sounds she made, and losing the images of her body curled into itself into a perfect fetal position. I have already begun mourning the loss of my "baby", because I know what is to come. They will both continue to grow and change, and I will merely be swept along in their wake. Helpless to stop their momentum of development, and yet conspiring with it to help it continue as smoothly as possible. As it should be. However, that offers me no comfort when I think of the wonderful moments I am letting slip through my fingers and out of my memory like water. So here I am in a last ditch effort to preserve each and every precious moment, every hilarious thing that comes out of their mouths, and probably even a little of the insanity that goes along with being a mother.