She's Always Watching

In so many ways, my children make me want to be a better person. Of course I want to be a good mother.  I try so hard to say the right things and explain things fully in 4 year old speak, when Charli asks questions.  She says she wants to understand everything, and who am I to say she can't.  I try to help her navigate the world, but not too much.  I try to have the healthiest foods in the house and have the family eat them together.  I try to mean what I say and follow through on promises (and threats).  But, it goes deeper than that and sometimes it amazes me how much she is watching, paying attention, and learning from my every move.  Just this morning, I came in from a run and I am kneeling next to the shelf where we place our shoes when we enter the house.  I see in Charlotte's little shoes, her socks.  Each one in a ball in a pair of her shoes.  This is not something she does usually, and this is not something we usually do as a family.  Shoes go by the door and socks go in the hamper.  But, I realize that her shoes were next to my sneakers this morning.  I had placed my socks in my sneaks last night in anticipation for my run this morning.  (I have to get ready in the living room, but that is another topic about light sleeping children.)  Anyway, it hits me how much she is watching me when I am not paying attention.  It is yet another wake up call, that I need to be the best person I can be, so I can help my children be the best people they can be.  No pressure.

Yoga and Kindergarten

Brooke and I finally made it to a mommy and me yoga class.  I used to go to this class every week with Charlotte till she went to preschool.  Since then, I have been trying and failing to get out of the house in time to get Charli to school and across the city by 9 am to take this class.  We had such a nice time, I am going to have to try very hard to get there again next week.  I love the moments where I can slow down and actually spend time playing with, watching, and enjoying Brooke.  These moments are sadly rare.  We are always running around with our "have to do"s.  Today, I was able to take deep breaths in my yoga poses while watching Brooke explore and conquer the play space.  Her new favorite word is "no" and so I heard that lots today.  She is a full fledged toddler now and has the toddler creed down pat (what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine, if I see it its mine...)  She has learned to defend her turf and doesn't back down (thanks to Charlotte).  She is working on sharing and turn taking.  She is a sweet soul and Jeff and I are convinced that pretty much everything she does is adorable.  She loves to say hi to everyone we pass by on the street, she will hug random people whenever the whim strikes, she points out every ball and bird within a 20 mile radius, and she really wants to do everything her big sister does. (like spit toothpaste, twirl around in dresses, turn cartwheels, and draw with markers).

Today was also the day I officially signed Charlotte up for Kindergarten.  We have been on the fence about sending her.  The school district is in the middle of changing the birthday cut-off for K to line up with private school and to take new research into account.  Charlotte makes the cutoff currently and will for the next few years, while they slowly roll the ages back.  Eventually, she will miss the cut-off by two weeks.  We think she is ready now and will be fine, but we are worried about the tween years especialy. I just hope we are making the right choices for her life and future.  The parenting thing is a lot of pressure sometimes.

Best Ages Ever

Brooke and Charlotte are at such great ages, we would like to freeze them in time.  At 4 (and a half!), Charlotte is such a joy to be around.  She likes to be with us and can talk for hours about nothing and everything.  Sometimes her observations of the world are quite interesting.  Other times, I can't follow her random flights of thought for more than a few seconds before I am lost.  Either way, it is a pleasure to spend a few moments together, just the two of us.  Brooke, at 14 months, is also a bundle of joy.  It is amazing to watch her mind work.  She can spend minutes just playing with her toys.  Her shape sorter, books, drawing, and stacking toys are her favorite right now.  She loves to climb, spin, and walk around everywhere.  She tries to jump but can't get off the ground yet.  She wants to do everything her big sister does, good or bad.  Brooke's vocabulary is exploding, both in speech and signs.  I haven't yet counted her words, so, here goes.  She says hiya, bye-bye, mama, dada, book, ball, yaya (Charli), eat, more, milk, agua, patos (zapatos), socks, dog, meow, please, help, close, open, cracker, baba (bottle or paci), no, bear, baby, duck, quack, star, up, down,  pig, bath, tick-tock, ow, night-night, thank-you, hippopotomus, fish, helicopter, all-done, pan, por favor, balloon, bubble, and poo-poo.  She probably has more that I am not thinking of right now.  Brooke is also now sleeping through the night at least 4 nights a week.  Unfortunately, she does think that 5 am is a perfectly acceptable time to wake following a full nights sleep.  We will have to convince her otherwise, and fast.  I need a nap!

Of Death and Dying

In the past few months two wonderful people that I saw on a regular basis, but did not know very well have passed away.  A coworker of mine, Steuart, who was an angel who left the earth way too soon, but whom Charlotte did not know, and our lovely next door neighbor Neil, an elderly gentleman whom Charlotte knew by name and would say h to and chat with for a minute on our way from here to there.  Each of their passings has led to many discussions with Charlotte about death and dying.  I was not prepared for these talks and I am still unsure that I am handling it properly.  She tends to think about things for a while and asks questions at very random times.  I try very hard to answer any questions she has openly and honestly while remembering that she is still a preschooler and may not want as thorough of an answer as I may think.  We are not a member of any organized religion and therefore I try to give her a few different perspectives when the questions get metaphysical.  In answering some of her questions I realize how strange and possibly frightening some things may seem.  Such as, "So, what happens to your body after you die?".  "Well, some people put the bodies in a box and bury it in dirt.  Then they put a stone up to mark the spot so they can visit the spot to think about the person who died." (ok, this seems like this may be slightly creepy, but so far so good), "Why do they bury people in dirt?", "Well, you are not in your body anymore after you die, you leave your body. And your body, well...  You know how we have talked about compost, and how the food and paper we put in the compost turns into soil to make new flowers and plants?  Well, your body turns into compost, so some people bury it in dirt to make new flowers and plants.  Other people turn the body into ashes and sprinkle them somewhere nice"  Luckily, she did not want to know how we go about turning people into ashes.

I tend to say "well..." a lot in my explanations to Charlotte to give myself time to think, think, think like Pooh bear.  So, I think she is processing this and she will every once in a while just say something in passing about Neil's being dead.  She also thinks about his wife sometimes.  "Mommy? Rita lives alone now, right? Because Neil died.  That's ok though, because Rita will get married again."  Here's to hoping, Charlotte.

The other night I was putting Charlotte to bed.  This entails reading her few books in bed and then (in her words), "lying with her for a while or two".  We were lying in bed snuggled up together when she starts to play with my earring.  And the following conversation occurred:

"Mommy, when are you going to take your earrings off?" (she has asked me to take them off a few times before, but tonight I figured I would try to get to the bottom of this line of questioning)

"I am probably going to keep them on a long time.  I like to wear my earrings and forget to put them back in when I take them out.  Why do you want me to take them off?"

"I don't want you to die with them in" (aww, the poor kid is worried about me dying...wait, that's not quite what she said...)

"Why don't you want me to die with my earrings in, Charli?"

"Well, because someone may want them."

"Someone may want them? Who is someone?"

"Someone like me" (jackpot, so evidently, the kid is not worried about me dying, she is worried about me getting buried with my diamonds on, great)

"Don't worry Charlotte, you can have my earrings even if I die with them on.  Feel better?  Good, let's go to sleep."

What's for dinner?

I just don't know anymore.  I am at a place where I know that I have been cooking dinner at least four times a week for the last 10 years, but haven't a clue what the heck I have been cooking.  Some of what I used to cook has disappeared because of my decision to feed my family whole, real, unprocessed foods.  No high fructose corn syrup, no hydrogenated oils, just fresh fruits, veggies, meat, grains, and dairy.  If it local and organic, even better!  I feel so much better knowing what is going in my kids mouths and bodies.  Jeff took a little more convincing though.  He continues to complain that he wants to have "his" raisin bran and we keep a jar of Welch's Grape Jelly in the refrigerator just for him as he just can't have a PB & J without his high fructose corn syrup.  Unfortunately though, each night feels that I am stepping into the kitchen for the first time ever, trying to keep up with my snobby palate and the palates of my husband who would prefer to eat italian every night, my 4 year old who can love anything one night and hate it the next, and my 13 month old who would subsist on pasta and fruit if allowed.  Shopping is a chore since I have no idea what I will need to make the mystery dinners of the upcoming week.  Cooking is fun but following recipes every night is way too time consuming for a working mother.  Enter my slow cooker.  I throw ingredients into the pot in the morning and come home to a meal in the evening.  Brilliant!  Now, I have to go to the store and come up with something healthy and delicious that everyone may very well refuse to eat.  Wish me luck.

Frankenbaby on the move!

So, since the last time I wrote, Brooke has started walking, we went to Disney World, the holidays have passed, and Brooke turned one.  It has been a busy month.  Brooke was so determined to walk and practiced like it was her job until she could waddle forward with her arms up like a tight-rope walker.  My little personal Frankenstein's monster.  In this way, she learned to walk forward, sideways, backward, and turn.  When she fell, she crawled to something and pulled her little self right up again until she became strong enough to stand up in the middle of the room.  She is such a better walker now that in just a few weeks, her feet have come in closer together, her arms are no longer in Frankenbaby position, and she has gotten pretty fast.  She stills falls a good amount, boom, right back onto her little bum.  And still, she hops right back up as if nothing has happened.  I really think I should take a lesson from that determination, that stick-to-it-iveness.  She doesn't get frustrated and throw a temper tantrum as she falls down for the hundredth time that day.  She just shakes it off and tries again.  In that way, I must learn to be a little more like my determined and good natured little baby.